He cheated on you and now you feel as if your world is falling apart. You know you don’t want to feel this way forever, so how exactly do you process the anger, and restore your joy?
I often have clients who get the unsettling news that their mate is having an affair. The thing is, most innately know when their partner is stepping out, even though they may not always admit it. When we peel back the layers, they are usually in denial because they are hoping it isn’t true, they don’t want the relationship to end, or there may be something in them that wants to say “its ok, I can live with it.”
And I personally don’t think that it’s always necessary to end a relationship because of infidelity; however that is a decision that each person has to come to terms with on their own. I do know that our ultimate goal is to always be happy, so that we can live a more bliss filled life and attract into our lives people and situations which are for our Highest Good.
So how do you “recover from a cheating lover?” Here are 8 steps to help you process the grief and disappointment and come out on the other side feeling whole!
- Breathe! When you breathe you come into the present. Even in the midst of anger and disappointment you are able to connect with that part of you that assures you everything is alright. A deep inhalation automatically brings you to a more peaceful connection, and a slow exhalation releases anxiety. As you follow your breath, you relax your mind and are able to focus on the present.
- Acknowledge your right to be angry and hurt. Allow yourself to be angry with the person who “cheated,” as well as at yourself for whatever you deem necessary to be angry about. When we focus on affirmations and the positive side of life, we forget that the dark side or shadow should also be acknowledged and honored. It doesn’t mean you are going to stay there, it just means you acknowledge it and its ok to feel however you may be feeling.
- Allow the tears to flow. Tears are healing. They allow you to release toxins and express your feelings. Even allow yourself to “feel sorry” for yourself. It’s all a matter of processing your grief, and with each tear, you get closer to your feeling of Wholeness.
- Be an observer. As you are processing your anger and allowing your tears to flow, you are actually an observer. When you take your deep breath, you are feeling the connection to your Divine Inner Power. At this time, you may not feel so powerful; yet this is how you become an observer. The truth remains that you are Complete, and you are Whole, but in this situation, you are also angry, hurt and “pissed off.” As an observer you are able to hold onto the Truth of who you really are and the Higher Self is able to observe the lower self as it processes the situation!
- Recognize that your anger is a choice. You are choosing to process your anger, and you are allowing it to be processed. By acknowledging your choice, when you are ready to not be angry, you are free to choose that as well. This helps you remain empowered
- Give yourself a time limit. Even if now it seems indefinite, just remember that you won’t be in this position forever. You may also choose to say, “after a week, I will no longer hold resentment about this situation.” And when the week comes, or the day or whatever time limit comes, you may choose to honor it.
- Give others permission to be who they are. Acknowledge that the person who has disappointed you, has a right to be who they are. In other words, with you saying they have permission to be a “jerk” you are also freeing yourself when you do things that aren’t so very nice. This is your first step in forgiving; it is freeing for you, because at this point you recognize that you are unable to control others, and that your JOY is NOT dependent on others. When you say to yourself, “Joe can be who he wants to be. If he wants to lie and cheat, that is his choice. I can also choose not to be in a relationship with him.” You are now free to be who you are, without trying to change someone else, and at the same time you are forgiving yourself for whenever you have been less than stellar. This helps you remember the only person you are dedicated to changing and improving is yourself.
- Affirm I am NOT a victim. When you practice forgiveness and follow these steps you have removed the idea of victimization from your mind. You are now making choices; everyone is free to be who they are, and you are empowered to make your personal choices. This helps you attract beautiful loving people, because we attract what our dominant thoughts are. Your dominant thought is now that you are Free, Perfect and Whole and fully empowered to make choices. And today, you may choose to choose Bliss!
Remember, “weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning.” It’s up to you to decide when its morning!!